PTSD...

... and our nations defenders.

June is PTSD awareness month. This has to do with ALL PTSD, but I mostly think about our troops when PTSD comes to mind.

I read on the Huffington Post that there is an average of 22 suicides everyday with military veterans in 2010. That's 660-682 veterans a month. Eight thousand and thirty veterans.

8,030.

Just this year as of May 23rd there has been 161 veteran suicides. 109 in the first 4 months. That's one every 18 hours.

Take that in for a moment.

Though most studies are with veterans from the Iraq and Afghanistan wars, over 69% of these suicides are by veterans over the age of 50. That is our Vietnam War Veterans.

I have personally met and experienced several veterans with PTSD. It ranges from very mild to hardly able to function day to day. I have met a vet who you could not sneak up on to scare without him dropping to the floor and curling up in a ball. I have met a veteran that is afraid to be in any sort of confrontation, and when an argument starts completely shuts down and spaces out. I have met a veteran who seems to be the happiest man you would ever meet, but inside struggles to get out of bed in the morning bc he is terrified of what will come with the day. I have met a veteran with anger issues. I have met a veteran that has flash backs of war and thinks he is still there. I have met a veteran that drinks away his memories. I have met a veterans that uses drugs and painkillers to numb his past. I have met a veteran who thinks he is a cold hearted murderer bc of civilians telling him he is after he got home for fighting for our country. I have met a veteran with missing limbs that feels he is a burden to those who help him. I have met a veteran that has twitches, and when you watch you realize its his trigger finger. I have met a veteran that wakes from a dead sleep searching for his side arm.

There are so many things that they have to overcome in difficult times and even everyday. There are many warning signs too. Yet some you would never know they were suffering no matter how much time you spend with them.

Being aware of PTSD in those around us is difficult, and there is no way to say they do or don't suffer from PTSD. It is not some textbook disorder that can easily be cured with a pill or counseling for everyone. Not every veteran knows they are suffering from PTSD.

Worse is many that do know they have PTSD are afraid to admit it.

They feel they are supposed to be strong and fearless, are trained to handle everything that can happen to them, are supposed to be our Superman.

Superman does have a weakness though. PTSD is our veteran's kryptonite. Many do not want to admit it and will fight those that try to tell them to get help or at least recognize that they need help.

To those around the suffering, please be patient, careful, and persistent to help our veterans get help any and every way they can.

Veterans... Please don't be afraid to get help. Please. I'm begging you not to be afraid to know that you are human. You do have a weakness, but you are AMAZING more than you will ever know. You have the courage and strength to put yourself in danger's way to protect us. Very few can say that. You have an awesome soul that was effected by what you saw/did in war. That makes you completely normal.

Veterans don't be afraid to get help. If you feel that the treatment you are getting isn't right for you, seek other help. Just please know that you are not alone and with the right help you can get better and/or learn to cope. You will NOT be considered a less man/woman for admitting you have PTSD and getting help.

Always here
Carrie Linn

Veterans and their loved ones can call 1-800-273-8255 and Press 1, chat online at http://www.veteranscrisisline.net/, or send a text message to 838255 to receive confidential support 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

Challenge...

... Accepted!

Today Jameson was fussing up a storm (I promise he's fine... just a case of the serious hold-mes. I think it was something he caught from his dad, but don't worry I don't think it's contagious.), so I popped him into his car seat, strapped him into his high-tech jobbing stroller and took off down the road. He was silent before we left the drive way. We walked up to a nice side walked trail and had a nice long 4.5 mile stroll away from the traffic we just happen to be surrounded by in our nice quiet neighborhood. I would love to walk him around our neck of the woods, but their are no sidewalks and the roads are so bumpy walking on them makes you feel like you are on a wooden rollercoaster (If y'all have been on the Timberwolf at World's of Fun you would know what I'm talking about.), put a 5.5 week old in a stroller on those roads and it's just ridiculous.

I could have walked the entire Shunga Trail, but it was going to be getting too warm to have Jameson out much longer. Being out there made me really miss running. One year and a baby ago I used to run ALL THE TIME. I remember throwing on my tennis shoes, heading to the governor's mansion and just running the pathways always finding a new path. I really miss that. I know I will get back to running soon once Jameson gets a bit older and I'm actually able to jog with the jogging stroller (his poor little neck just can't quite take the bumping around yet.).

This got me thinking though about setting some goals. Nothing crazy... yet. Just starting small, but working up to some things that I really want to do.

Short term goal...
Work out 3 times a week, at least 30 minutes each time.
This wont be too hard, but I have to still make myself do it. I have taken Jameson out for a few walks, but lets face it, it's hard to get out during the summer with a newborn bc the weather is just a little to extreme for him. It may be only 78 degrees out at 0800, but the humidity is so high that you feel like you are walking through the lake.
So I have to find things that I can do here at home. This is easier said than done right now though since I have a sweet little baby boy who wont let me put him down without singing me the song of his people... at the top of his lungs. He can sure belt it out. So I guess I will just have to get creative like putting him on in his carrier or strapping him in his car seat some how onto the TotalGYM in the basement. Hey, with his weight and car seat weight that's about 17 or so extra added pounds!
So give me some easy at home workouts to do please! Keep it easy and to where I can keep an eye on Jameson though. But a challenge is needed.
And also help keep me accountable. It's hard to keep goals sometimes when you don't have someone giving you that push.

Long term goals...
5k...
RUN one every year starting this fall. (Grandma and Grandpa or Daddy can watch Jameson at the finish line.)
Color run...
I have really been wanting to do a color run since I have heard about it. What kind of fun would it be to run and get covered with colored powder? A LOT!
Tough Mudder by the time Jameson graduates grade school.
RUN a half marathon by the time Jameson graduates middle school/Jr. high.
RUN a full marathon by the time Jameson graduates high school.

I love being a runner so what better goals to have than ones that involve something I enjoy doing so much. What I like about the long term goals also is that usually these all involve raising money for charities. Run for a cause! Which I also do right now just from taking Jameson on walks when the weather is nice enough to do so. Download the app CharityMiles. For every mile you walk/run/bike an online sponsor will donate to a charity you choose. I have happily been donating to Wounded Warrior Project every time I take my sweet little boy for walks. Can't get better than that! But I also want to make sure that one run I do a year does help to raise money for a charity.

Miles down and miles to go
Carrie Linn

Tolerance...

... isn't allowed anymore in this country.

Everyday I scroll through my Facebook feed and watch the news and get annoyed and disgusted by so many things that people are offended by. This morning I was watching about the "controversy" of Tim Tebow being outgoing about being a Christian and how it could possibly hurt his professional football career in the future. Then I read about some kid getting kicked out of school for having a "Red Friday" shirt on. Owning a gun anymore is extremely frowned upon it seems. Voting for someone white is racist. Not liking a certain leader makes also makes you racist, super conservative, and a terrorist.

When did having a opinion, lifestyle, and belief become wrong in this country?

When did it become wrong to be a white, conservative, Christian, married to your high school sweetheart?

When did it become wrong to be in the military fighting for your country and be honored when you came home whole, half, or draped under our nations colors?

When did it become wrong to believe that the Constitution is above the government?

When did it become wrong to work hard for everything you have and not demand handouts?

When did owning a gun automatically make you a criminal?

When did letting the government steal you rights become acceptable?

Now please don't get me wrong or think negatively of me. I have gay friends that I completely respect and support. If you don't like guns, that's fine with me. If you are atheist or other, it does not offend me. If you are black, tan, yellow, pale, green, purple, orange, or teal I do not judge you bc of your skin tone.

So why the heck are those that believe, practice, and live the 'traditional conservative' lifestyle seem to be judged the worst lately. I can tell you that most 'traditional conservatives' don't care if you are gay, don't like guns, don't believe in the Christian God, and/or are anti-war.

Seriously. They don't.

What we do NOT like is that if you don't like guns, ours should be taken away. You are gay so you have to throw that fact in our faces. You are atheist so we can no longer practice our religion in ANY way outside of the house of worship or privacy of our own home. You are anti-war so you automatically call our troops cold hearted, soulless, murders.

It's sad that just a few short 6 years ago when I was in high school I could take my Bible to school and read it in my free time, said the pledge of allegiance, wear pro-military clothing, had opening prayer at my graduation ceremony, gay couples could go to prom together, could wear a bright rainbow on your shirt, could talk about being religious or not religious in class together and not break out into arguments.

Six short years ago, I went to school where we weren't offended by others being different.

Six short years ago, teenagers had tolerance of each other.

Six short years ago we were not told that we were wrong because we were straight, gay, pro-gun, anti-war, patriotic, religious, atheist, conservative, or liberal.

What happened in six short years?

What happened to tolerance?

What happened to being ok with what you believe and just leaving it at that?



What happened America?
Carrie Linn

The fashionable accessories...

...of being a mommy!

I so wish I could be the star of a show "My mommy has her s*^t together". It would be me looking like a million dollars everyday wearing my fab Pinterest wardrobe, fantastic mani and pedi, designer purses and sunglasses, and never a hair out of place.

But I am sitting here wearing sweats, oversized olive drab shirt (surprisingly NOT a shirt of Nic's), drinking cheap coffee with milk and sugar in it, and I'm sure EVERY one of my hairs is out of place.

Don't get me started on how bad I need a mani and pedi.

This though is not about how I look now, it's about the way my 'fashion' changed after having Jameson. I can still fit into most of my pre-prego shirts and I love rocking the lil inherited booty in new jeans and shorts.

The new accessories do clash with my outfits though.

If the binky is not in Jameson's mouth it is usually worn as an awkward end of finger ring so I never lose it and have easy access. Believe it or not I have gone to sleep with it on my finger many times and woken up with it still on.

No need to stuff my bra anymore with Kleenexes... I now have a reason for the extra padding.

Trading the wine bottle for milk bottle... except when daddy takes over for the weekend. Then the wine bottle comes back into play!

The new scarves of the season! Sadly mine don't look this nice, are always soaked through with milk that Jameson doesn't want to swallow, and weird colored stains. Never leave home without it around your neck though!

Layers. Lots of them. Not because it's the fad of the season, or changing weather, but because baby with spit up, puke, pee, and poop on your clothes. Don't change 7 times a day, just remove the soiled layer.

Mom purses aren't just for YOUR junk now! You have a reason to need an oversized purse bc you need everything under the sun for baby just to walk down to the mailbox. I so far have just opted out of carrying a purse anymore and put the very few things I actually NEED in Jameson's very fashionable camo diaper bag. Yes it's actually Nic's Diaper bag. 

 

 

Rocking a baby boy, slobber on my shirt, and eu de formula

Carrie Linn



Coffee breaks...

... are now essential.

Now that I'm not feeding Jameson breast milk I can now begin to survive off of caffeine again. I'm not a big soda/energy drink person, but I love a great chai tea or over sugared coffee every day of the week. Heck, who doesn't?!

It's nice now once I get Jameson fed, changed, and down for his morning nap to fix a Cup of Life and eat some breakfast. This literally keeps me from crawling into a small ball and snoozing away the day. I mean I have bottles to clean from the night, laundry to do, and lets face it catch up with the world with fb, email, Pinterest, and this here blog.

I know I mentioned it before but after having little miracles you have to still find time for yourself. I know I enjoy escaping into a long hot shower, reading a few chapters of a new book, or being able to write a blog post... that doesn't take 3 days to finish.

To be able to find time for myself though I HAVE to have that energy burst after dealing with a month old monkey crawling on my all night long. I couldn't tell you what was up with Jameson last night except I think he got into the coffee. If he was a 2 year old he would have been running through the house, singing at the top of his lungs, playing the pots and pans like a drum set, and hanging from the ceiling fan throwing fruit loops. Yes my one month old was that hyper! I swear he was minutes away from actually crawling already. So needless to say I didn't get any sleep with him all over me (mostly when he would shove his head and fist into my throat.)

Not my baby... but is my coffee cup

Cue 2 cups of strong caffeine.

What would this life be without coffee... Imagine a crying baby, can't find his binky, and you can only move 3 steps per minute. THIS IS HELL!

Well the cup is empty, baby is fussing, and want to finish these pizza rolls before dinner is done.

JAVA JAVA JAVA
Carrie Linn

The world of mommyhood...

... and the lectures we get for doing it wrong.

When we get pregnant we have thoughts of the way we are going to raise our children from labor on. No drugs when in labor, breastfeeding only-and you know it will work perfect the first time, no co-sleeping... you get the idea.

Then you get hit with the BAD contraction and everything goes out the window. GET ME THE DRUGS!

Ok so I went in knowing that I would most likely take the epidural. I did 13 hours with no drugs and back labor that would make the Hulk pretty upset, I got enough of the natural labor experience. Those who say that getting an epidural takes away from the labor are just plain nuts. And good for y'all that do it without. Lets face it though, I didn't get pregnant to experience the adventure of labor, I'm here for the baby. Also after hearing the woman 3 rooms down from me SCREAMING like a banshee... I'm really glad I went for the drugs!

Co-sleeping... I told myself that Jameson would love his little rock n play sleeper and his swing so much that he would sleep like a husband in them no problem at all during the night. Then Nic got ahold of him and never put him down. LOL Just kidding honey! But really he is attached to the little cutie. Anyhoo... Jameson naps pretty well in the two... during the daytime. He likes to be snuggled at night time though. We have a little in bed co-sleeper bed for him... yeah, doesn't work. He likes his snuggles when he sleeps at night just like his dad. I swear there is nothing he does/looks like that isn't just like Nic! He got my big feet, long fingers, and he's long like me, otherwise he is Nic's mini me.

Breastfeeding was always going to be a struggle for me before Jameson even came along. I was ok with actually feeding him from the ladies, but I was more into pumping and feeding him from a bottle that way he could bond with Nic also while feeding and give me a slight break. While we were in the hospital I fed him directly and it was a struggle. He would latch on fine but when he wasn't getting a gallon of milk the second he latched he would scream at me and tell my boobs to go away. He's an aggressive eater to say the least. The day we got home from the hospital I pumped like a mad man and let Nic feed him from bottles so I could nap and recover before he went back to work. Now all you exclusive breastfeeding mommas out there are about to judge and butcher me. I didn't keep breastfeeding him. In fact I am in the process of letting my supply dry up as we speak and I have been in tears from that pain as it is. I started giving him a bit of formula bc he was eating literally every hour and as much as I love the little angel, I had to have a slight break from him and the breast pump. I am all about baby all the time, but you can't allow yourself to get lost. Plus I like being able to go pee more than once a day and possibly eat two meals a day while he is full, happy, and napping. From day one though he would get horrible belly aches that brought me to tears knowing he was so miserable. My poor boy just wasn't doing well with breast milk no matter what kind of foods I ate. I took out breast milk for one day and gave him just formula and he was the happiest baby that day. So breast milk has been nixed. Lecture me all you want mammas!! Bring it on. What I will tell you, my baby is happy and healthy. After that I don't care.

We have all been told that how we are raising our child(ren) is the wrong way and you should di it this way and/or that way. I get extremely annoyed of those people. It's my child. Yes it takes a village to raise them, but you have to have a main caretaker to make the final decision on what will/won't work for baby. Will my child ever be neglected... never! Will he eat bugs and get dirty... you bet he will! In the end though you have to learn how to take advice you want and smile and nod at the advice you don't need.

Raising a happy little boy
Carrie Linn

The Adventures of Chunky Butt...

...Vol. 1

JAMESON IS HERE!

Ok so those that know us know he has been here for a month now. Give me a break people... I just had a kid. This is the first time I have actually picked up my computer except to put on Hulu for background noise.

SO... I know several of you have asked how it all went down. Here's the non-graphic WELCOMING adventure of Jameson Nicholas Linn... AKA Chunky Butt!

Sunday May 5th 2013
0300

Holy cow! My back started to hurt HORRIBLY and woke me from a deep sleep. "Preterm labor I'm sure" I told myself for the 45 minutes it lasted. I didn't wake up Nic bc I was sure it was just a false alarm. Those 45 minutes stopped and not even 10 minutes later I was hit with another 25 minute round of back pain. This type of pain SUCKS! Cramps are bad, headaches are bad, this was in the middle of slamming your finger in the car door and stepping on a lego pain. I was sure it was preterm labor though and I really didn't want to go to the hospital and be told to go home bc I wasn't far enough along. That would have just made me cry and piss me off. I felt I was doing pretty good.

0530
"Honey. I'm having contractions right now. But they aren't very long and still far enough apart. I will let you know if we need to go to hospital, but I think it may just be preterm labor." I felt I was being pretty tough. I didn't panic, stayed pretty calm, and didn't run to the hospital at the first sign of pain... go me! Nic looked at me and asked if I was sure I was ok. I said I'll let you know when I'm not ok for sure. I was having about 30 sec contractions every 7-15 minutes... still pretty all over the place

0600
Contractions about a minute long every 5-8 minutes. The Drs say to wait until you are having 1-2 minute contractions every 5 minutes for an hour. I downloaded a contraction timer app on my phone and got to timing them.

0630
"Honey I think we need to get to the hospital. Let me take a shower, get our stuff together and we will head there."

0730
HERE WE GO! The contractions were about 30 seconds to 1.5 minutes long every 3-10 minutes. Talk about these things being all over and crazy. I was SURE that once we got to the hospital they were going to tell me to go home and 'relax' HAHA! Relax with this pain is BS! But I chanced it anyway so I could at least find out how far along I was dilated and get an idea of how long this escapade was going to last and how much worse it was going to get.

0830
Waiting for the Dr. to come in and do all the oh so fun checking. I'm going to stay away from all the TMI info but I was very uncomfortably checked ("You're going to feel a lot of pressure" HOLY SHIIITAKE MUSHROOMS! I'm already in pain here Dr.!) and was told that I wasn't lined up properly yet, 80% thinned and 1cm along. Seriously... that's it. &*^&@%*# Dr. tells me to go walk for an hour and see if anything changes. Go walk for an hour! I can barely lay down for 5 minutes bc these contractions SUCK!

0915
Walking downstairs in lobby of hospital. Luckily it was a Sunday morning and we found a long back hallway so I wouldn't keep getting asked if I was ok and strange looks. Every 2 minutes I was bending over, death gripping the guard rails, rocking my hips like I was told to do, and wishing I could just lay the heck down already. They better NOT tell me to go home or heads are going to roll!

1015
Back up in with the Dr., getting worse and more contractions now. Dr. says "Well you are lined up now, 100% effaced, and 2cm" DONT YOU TELL ME TO GO HOME! " Lets go ahead and get you in a room." Oh bless your heart Dr.! I about jumped in his arms and gave him a hug of thanks! I do truly feel awful for those women I have heard horror stories about that get sent home 100 and a half times before they finally get to stay. Then again I have heard of women that have had contractions for several weeks before giving birth... *&^&*^$*$ that!!!

1100
In my room. I have to say that those rooms are really nice and quite spacious! The staff so far is AMAZING! I have IV hooked up to me, a very uncomfortable and awkward catheter, and Nic sitting beside me both of us watching Discovery channel and just waiting. Well Nic was waiting... I was suffering through scale 7 pain (= to burning your hand on the stove top you didn't realize was on). Nic... lucky, butthead, love him so much though... was getting his fingers squeezed every minute or so while snoring during his nap. I know some of y'all will have some choice words for him about that! LOL

1300
I'm starting to get to the point that I'm in tears. The contractions are every minute or so, but there is no let down of pain between them. I was starting to get to the miserable and upset part. I wasn't mad, screaming, bawling... just so uncomfortable that I wasn't really doing well. I asked if I could get any sort of drugs yet. They had to do the oh so fun check. Dear lord that is worse the farther along you get and right in the middle of a contraction! Thanks a lot! 3cm. That's it. I've barely done anything for 3 hours now and I'm in tears of pain. OH! And I can't get the beloved epidural until 4cm... &*&%&*^*!!!!!!! But I was told I can get drugs put in my IV until I'm 4cm and the man with the magic shows up.

1325
Drugs are in the IV. HAHAHAHAHAHA That's the best way I can describe the next hour and a half while I am napping and dreaming that cartoon elephants are at war with large artillery. (This is what happens with good drugs and hearing the Discovery Channel. Nic was watching something war related. He looked at me like I was crazy when I brought up the cartoon elephants.)

1530
Drugs are done working. I need the epidural. Like 5 minutes ago. This part is sucking bad. They come in and are trying to ask me questions all while having contractions that are bringing me to tears. They tell me it could be an hour before the man gets there with the good stuff. I'm patient as I can be when they tell me this, but lets face it I really needed those damn drugs!

1540
THE EPIDURAL IS GOING TO BE PUT IN NOW!! :) It took less than 10 minutes for the man to get to my room, let me know how the epidural works, and what to expect while he puts it in. All I think about it the horror stories about how horribly painful its going to be. I get the numbing shot that feels as painful as getting a flu shot (which doesn't bother me at all) and then what is supposed to be the very uncomfortable and painful insert of the needle... "Ok that's it!" Seriously. That wasn't painful, wasn't a lot of pressure. Heck it wasn't anything and took, I swear, less than a minute.

1545
I feel nothing from my stomach down. This stuff is great!

1600
"Alright we are going to break your water and get this moving along faster." I have a feeling this is REALLY going to hurt even with the epidural. Pressure... "Breaking it now" Ok I have a catheter in why does it feel like I'm peeing like a horse on race day... in bed... awkward! And it's not just the one big leak and your done. Oh no! It gushes about every 10 minutes. Gross.

I'm going to be honest I can't remember a lot after this bc I was able to sleep through all of the contractions without even feeling them. Ladies... why do you fight an epidural? That stuff is FANTASTIC!

2045
"Ok you are ready to push!" Wait. What? I was still enjoying my nap. I'm not ready to push bc I'm so tired... but I wasn't given a choice.

2132
WELCOME TO THE WORLD JAMESON NICHOLAS LINN!!!

7lb 7oz 20inches

10 long fingers

10 toes on big feet

Loud cries from healthy lungs

 

Pure perfection :)

 

 

 

Love being a mommy

Carrie Linn