Thursday, March 21, 2013

What not to wear...

... seriously, please stop wearing that!

So we all see this stuff. Some of you actually wear it. It doesnt look good no matter what type of buby and style you have, I promise.

Now dont get me wrong I am FAR from a fashionista! I wish I could own every item on my Pinterest 'My Style' list, but lets face it I live in jeans and a t-shirt 99% or the time* with either flip flops, tennis shoes, or cowboy boots. I atleast put in the effort to look like I belong in normal society though. The following, I can't say the same for them though....

I'll start with everyone's favorites.... UGGS!
What is it with these UGGly boots?! Ok they are super warm and comfy. Awesome. I, though, refuse to pay a small fortune for eskimo boots. They have their place though I guess... this is NOT the place for them...
There is NOTHING cool about winter boots with summer clothing... you look like a re-re.
 
 
Holy... JEANS. Why. Why do y'all go to the expensive stores, find the pair of jeans that have the least amount of fabric left, then pay $60+ for them?! I mean if you want to wear this stupid obsession then go to the thrift store and buy a pair there for $2.99! They have plenty! I dont get why y'all would want to wear a pair of pants that look like you got massacred by a chain saw and weed whacker anyway...
She's obviously covering up the whole in the crotch... even though she bought them that way!

 
Leggings... Oh yes.. You know where I'm going with this! But I have a few favorites. First off I have chicken legs so I was scared to even own a pair of skinny jeans. I own one pair that I think look good on me and now that I'm prego I have invested in 2 pairs of neutral colored leggings and 2 pairs of Jeggings. The Jeggings are great bc they still look like nice skinny jeans but have the stretch for the ever growing bump. The leggins I wear with LONG shirts or dresses. That is what leggings were ment for in the adult world. Not ment for this...

You are not 7... you look like a crazy cat lady in these no matter your age after you hit puberty.

That is not the person going around nude... no that is nude leggings. Please save me!
 
 
Over and under dressing... I'm not talking over dressing like too many layers. No more like too big! And under dressing. You have the right number of clothes on... just not enough fabric. Like this...
It's not bikini season yet sweetie... Oh that's a shirt?! Where is the rest of it?

Hobo up top, chicken legs below. This is how every girl wants to feel!
This sweater can also be used in Ugly Christmas Sweater Party.... I think the only time it IS ok to wear!
THIS IS NOT A DRESS! This is the body shaper/slip you wear UNDER a dress!
I dont want to see your goodies and hams everytime you move an inch... Look she is even trying to pull it down past her Woo Hoo!
 
 
Size... Alright we all want to be model skinny. Whatever. Doesn't mean that bc you want to be that small you should dress like you ARE that small. This goes for EVERY SIZE out there. I know larger people are picked on this the most and I feel that is aweful bc smaller chicks obviously think a small bit of muffin top is "hott" (que Paris Hilton 'That's hot' voice). No. You look rediculous. Dont put on a size 3 when you are a 7...
That has GOT to hurt her hips! It's hurting mine!!
 
 
Ladies... That's what I call them atleast. You know the boobs! Get a good bra! Please! One that fits (I promise EVERY set of twins has a bra out there that fits.) Nothing is worse that sqeezing the crap out of those gals and forming 4 boobs or having them tucked into your waist line. What's worse than an ill fitting bra though...
Looks little cold to be wearing that tank top.
 
 
Matching head to toe... AKA the Track Suit! Unless you are a little kid, on a team, or sorority girl (that one still pushes the line) You do not belong in a track suit...we're talking matching top and bottom. Cotton, wind breaker, velore... none of it. No. Dont do it...
Go team go...ing to the mall them getting groceries.
 
 
Sag... You really think I would leave this one out?! This drives me bat shit crazy! Girls dont do it bc I dont want to see the floss up your crack. Guys... you do know why that started right? No?! Oh let me tell you something!! Guys sag their pants in prison to let the others know they are down for a little lovin. You know what I mean! Dont believe me! Ask Big Bubba next door who keeps looking you up and down and blowing you kisses!...
Victoria has no more secrets... oh and your tag is hanging out.

HHHEEYYYY!!!!! (This one gets me even more bc he HAS A BELT ON!)
 
 
Don't think I'm done yet! You cant forget accessorizing!!!
When the heck did BCGs become fashionable?! I guess I have to go through Nic's stuff and find his old glasses so I can be hip.

These are ment for party favors... for 5 year olds!

I honestly don't know what to say about these...
Ok. SOME (very few) platform heels are cute... Most make you unable to walk normal and you look like you have clubbed feet with that elephantitis desease that makes random limbs grow non-stop. Y'all KNOW what I'm talking about!

"But they are so comfortable!" For health care professionals I find these absolutely acceptable. That's about it. And for those of you that wear them without socks. EEWWW!!!!! They are rubber/plastic/foam and even though they have those holes they don't breathe THAT well! I dont want to be near them or your feet when they come off!
 
 
Over board is all I can say about this last part...
She actually things this looks good...

This was her inspiration!

This is what she will look like by the end of the night if she keeps up on the shots she's drinking.
 
 
Women actually function with these types of nails!!! And most of them work with computers all day! Don't believe me... go to the DMV and look!
There is such a thing a too much tanning... This is what happens! Leave the tanning bed for longer than an hour a day and please use SPF 5,000,000 honey! Even the kid is freaking out!

Spray tanning isn't for everyone.... Spray tanning instead of your daily shower is NOT ment for you!
 
 
I love all of y'all... so please don't make me point it out when y'all are sporting these looks!
 
Keep it covered, clean, and SANE
Carrie Linn
 
*Right now jeans and tshirts are far from my style being I got this bump going on around the mid-section. I pretty much live in sweats or my husbands PJ pants and his tshirts. I do however wear real and acceptable clothes when I go out in public. If you come over though I can't make any promises that I won't be wearing what my husband wears on Sundays when he is hungover from the night before.

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